Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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