Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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