it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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