i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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