I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize