she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
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