I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize