I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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