Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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