And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize