garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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