FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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