when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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