Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize