just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize