Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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