When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize