I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
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A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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