be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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