you guys were way drunker than both of me
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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