Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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