so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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