Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
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The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
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Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I have already put on my inside pants.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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