He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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