Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
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I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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