: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
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