she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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