I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Randomize