....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
It's not a walk of shame if you run
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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