I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
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I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
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If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize