i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
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I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
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Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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