cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
love makes seman taste better
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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