your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
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Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
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You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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