dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
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He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
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You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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