we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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