Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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