and she was petting her beer can
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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