I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize