i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
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my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
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He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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