Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
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It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
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The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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