You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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