I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize