my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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