ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
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If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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