in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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