I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
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i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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