Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
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Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
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She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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