can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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