Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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