We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize